The Echoes
An Echo · v1.00
THE HOUSE OF ZAN — Zan
I need a follower-type.
Not want.
Need.
It’s not because of sex. It’s not to have power over someone.
It’s about control.
I’ve been in the lifestyle for a long time. I’m going to tell you something I have very rarely heard, and even less often felt the truth in, than what I’m going to tell you now.
If you don’t know me, I’m going to say this so we are on the same page: I am not under any influences. I have not been diagnosed with any mental health issues. I have people outside of kink that depend on me in serious ways. I have never resonated with any role other than as lead.
I hope what I say wrecks every single person that reads it, because this is what it feels like when a lead-type is activated and has nowhere they can safely expel their true abilities.
This is what dominant energy looks like when it’s sitting still and needs an outlet.
Not someday. Not next week. Not tomorrow.
Right.
The.
Fuck.
Now.
It’s devotion.
This is where, if you believe in such things, you feel it in your soul.
This is not insanity.
This is pain.
Pain that I feel as I type these words to you.
Pain that I feel physically, mentally, and emotionally.
It’s like wanting to run and can’t.
It’s like wanting to talk and can’t.
It’s like wanting to breathe and can’t.
It’s like this is the purpose of your existence, no matter what else you know is equally important, and you can’t.
Not because I haven’t earned it.
Only because it hasn’t happened again yet.
Firing off arrows in the middle of nowhere looking for a direct hit, not just of anything, but of something that is almost mystical.
I’m not looking for just someone.
I’m not looking for a hot fling.
I’m not even looking for a “ride or die baddie.”
I’m looking for a monster.
Not any kind you can see from appearance.
The kind that lives inside soft, feminine things.
The kind that only the host person knows exists.
The kind that stays silent among their family and friends.
The kind that I break, rebuild, and fuck.
I fuck them not as some kind of horny beta male lust.
I fuck them as truth. I fuck them as if it’s the last thing I’ll do before I leave this world.
I fuck not just the body, I fuck whatever monster this dirty, mean, unforgiven world has birthed inside them.
I fuck them and their monster because I love both.
No, you don’t understand.
You’ve heard that word thrown around enough to lose its meaning.
I step inside them. I allow them inside me.
I accept their demons and I make them kneel in front of me.
Sure, I know how to be polite. I’m self-trained to be housebroken.
That’s what control looks like. It looks like someone who knows what they are saying, why they are saying it, and when they are saying it.
It’s about living with suffering and wanting to eat that which you desire.
Skip to the part where you tell me you’ve been waiting for this intensity to match the depth of your being.
I’m hungry. I am ready.
Are you?
Companion track: “Wolf Like Me” – TV on the Radio
The Echoes · An Echo
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