Values Behind the Voice of THE HOUSE OF ZAN
If you read me for any length of time, you’ll see a lot of things: intensity, dry humor, sharp edges, structure, and a very particular way of looking at kink and power. What you don’t always see at first is the footing underneath it.
This isn’t a hobby persona I clock in and out of. It’s the way I orient myself in a part of the world that can be beautiful, exploitative, grounding, and destabilizing all at the same time. If I’m going to write openly, speak plainly (or insanely), and let people lean into me, it’s only fair you know what I’m standing on when I do.
I’m not asking anyone to sign a creed. But when desire is loud, when emotions are high, and when people start handing me more trust than they’ve given anyone in a long time—these are the foundational principles to expect from me.
I’m Here On Purpose
I’m not in this space by accident or on a whim.
I’ve spent decades inside the lifestyle — in dynamics, out of them, watching what works and what breaks people. I’ve seen the highs, the wreckage, and the “never again”s that somehow turn into “one more try.”
I write and speak about this because:
- I understand it to an obnoxious degree,
- I know how badly it can go when no one’s paying attention,
- and I believe there’s a way to do this that leaves people more whole, not less.
I’m not playing at being a Dom, Daddy, Master, or any other authority role I claim. I’m stepping into roles I’ve already lived for a long time and choosing to speak about them in public.
I also know I have limits. I have a finite amount of time, energy, and attention. I can’t be everything to everyone, and I won’t pretend I can. If I step back, go quiet, or say “this is as far as I can go with you,” it isn’t a verdict on your worth. It’s me respecting the fact that I’m one person trying to do this within my own limitations of time, energy, and mental health.
Reading me, joining the server, or subscribing anywhere doesn’t automatically put you ‘in a dynamic’ with me. Dynamics are rare, slow, and intentional on purpose. Most of what I offer the internet is language and structure, not 24/7 personal access.
Structure Over Aimlessness
I don’t want people orbiting me without direction.
A lot of us arrive at kink and alt-lifestyles carrying:
- confusion about who we are,
- vague cravings for control or surrender,
- and a sense of drifting without purpose.
For me, BDSM is not just heat or aesthetic. It’s a way to build structure:
- clear roles,
- shared expectations,
- routines and agreements that give the dynamic a spine.
THE HOUSE OF ZAN — the Cycles, The Hidden Girl, the Discord server — is built with that same spine in mind. Not just vibes and chaos, but an actual architecture for how we live, play, and talk about this stuff.
I’m not interested in stirring up intensity that goes nowhere. I’m interested in creating systems where everyone involved knows why they’re there and what we’re building.
If you notice that your whole sense of stability lives in one person, one dynamic, or one space—including mine—I’d rather you get curious about that than ignore it. I’m not here to tell you where else to turn or what “balance” should look like for you. I am saying: your life is bigger than any single connection, and it’s worth asking yourself how you want to arrange it.
Leadership Means Responsibility
By claiming the self-assigned title of Head of House for THE HOUSE OF ZAN, I accept that it has weight.
To me, that means:
- I don’t hide when things get difficult.
- I don’t use the role to dodge accountability.
- I take seriously the effect my words and presence have on people.
That includes the boring parts: not ambushing people in DMs, being clear about why I’m reaching out, and respecting when someone’s capacity or consent shifts. Leadership doesn’t stop when the scene or the post ends.
I’m not here to control someone’s entire life just to feel powerful. I’m here to hold the line on structure, safety, and direction when others are choosing to lean into me.
I have strong opinions because I’ve seen a lot. I also expect my views to keep evolving. If new information, better frameworks, or lived experience prove me wrong, I’d rather update than dig in and pretend nothing’s changed. I will get things wrong. When I do, I’d rather face it, repair where I can, and keep going than pretend infallibility is part of the job. I’d reasonably expect others to aim for the same.
That doesn’t make me perfect or untouchable. It means I treat leadership as a responsibility, not a costume.
Everyone Is Welcome. No One Is Generic.
I write from the perspective of a Dominant, but I’m not building a space that only exists for “subs,” or only for a certain background, gender, gender expression, or role. If you find something useful here, you’re welcome — full stop.
This is an 18+ space, by design. I write most directly toward subs, littles, slaves, switches, and D-types who think in paragraphs — but anyone kink-adjacent, queer, questioning, or just curious how these dynamics really work is welcome to lurk, learn, and disagree.
What I care about is:
- people who think,
- people who feel deeply,
- people who want to understand how they fit into these lifestyles.
I don’t see anyone as “just a sub,” “just a Dom,” “just a kinkster.” I see individuals bringing their history, their needs, and their patterns into a conversation about power and care.
You don’t have to agree with me to be here. If something I say hits you wrong, you’re free to question it, ignore it, or walk away. I don’t expect universal agreement — nor should you.
I do have sharp opinions about how people in power should behave and how people in vulnerable positions should be treated. Those opinions come from experience, not from a desire to divide the room. You’re allowed to bounce off my perspective. What I’m not interested in is turning this into a war over labels instead of a place where complicated humans can compare notes.
Safety and Growth Are Non-Negotiable
I talk about intensity, devotion, obsession, taboos, and all the jagged edges that come with them. None of that interests me if it doesn’t sit on top of basic safety and the possibility of growth.
When I write about things like eating disorders, self-harm, risky sex, or wrecked dynamics, I’m not giving how-to guides. I’m documenting what I’ve seen and lived so people can make more informed choices — or at least feel less alone in what they’ve already survived.
For me, that means:
- honesty about what we’re doing and why,
- communication that goes beyond buzzwords,
- awareness of how trauma and mental health actually show up in dynamics,
- and a refusal to glorify situations that clearly harm the people in them.
I’m not here to preach or shade anyone. I am here to say, “I’ve seen how this can go, and I won’t pretend there are no consequences.”
I don’t know the full story of your life or the people in it, and I’m not going to hand you a list of who you should trust. What I will always encourage is that you pay attention to how you feel, how you’re changing, and whether the spaces and dynamics you’re in are helping you live more, not less.
If what we build together doesn’t, at minimum, leave you more self-aware and better able to navigate your life, I consider that a failure.
The Voice You Read Is The Person You Get
The writing you see from me — the tone, the metaphors, the bluntness, the care — is not a separate character. It’s a concentrated version of how I actually think about this world.
The Cycles and The Hidden Girl are stylized and heightened on purpose, but the emotional logic behind them is the same logic I use in actual dynamics: how people attach, crash, heal, and fuck themselves up trying to get free.
I’m not trying to be “mysterious” on the back end while putting on a performance in public. The same brain that writes the essays is the one making decisions in conversation and in dynamics.
You don’t have to agree with everything I say. You don’t have to like all of it. But you can trust that it’s coming from a coherent place, not a manufactured persona.
If You’re Still Here
If you’re here because something in my work makes you feel seen, challenged, steadier, or less alone in your own thoughts about power and connection, then you’re exactly the kind of person I’m doing this for.
If we ever do build something together — even just a conversation that goes a layer deeper than usual — you can assume these principles come with it.
You don’t need my permission to be here.
You just need to know: I take this seriously, and I’m not playing with fire for the sake of watching people burn.
Companion track: “Deceptacon” – Le Tigre