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Cycle I: Coming on Strong
The Hidden Voice
The Hidden Girl · 15 (v2.00)
THE HOUSE OF ZAN — Zan

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Playlist Track: Japanese Breakfast — “Posing in Bondage”

Her new profile does not look empty anymore. It looks unfinished in a more deliberate way.

She has added a role, a few interests, and a sentence about wanting something real. The sentence could belong to almost anyone. She keeps it because writing what she actually means would require knowing.

The long profile is still saved.

She reads it again, then returns to her own and changes the order of answers she already chose. Curious moves above new. Open-minded stays. She adds serious about learning, although serious is not how she feels while checking who has viewed her.

She moves between his profile and hers until her answers begin to sound as if they belong in the same place as his.

The preview shows her what strangers see. That version of her looks calmer than she feels.

She moves a photograph lower and removes a joke that suddenly seems too ordinary for this site. Then she opens a message window from his profile.

She writes, “hi. i’m shy but curious.”

She deletes shy.

Her next version is several sentences long and uses words she only recently searched. It sounds confident. It also sounds like somebody who would never need to search those words.

She deletes that version too.

Before trying again, she removes new from her profile.

The site still marks her account as recently joined.

She can remove the word. She cannot make the account agree.

In the viewer list, the nearly empty profile appears. She recognizes the blank profile picture before remembering why.

It could be somebody returning her accidental visit.

She closes the list without opening it.

Messages begin arriving for the version of her she has already changed. One is from the long profile.

He starts with a pet name and asks whether she follows instructions.

She checks his profile again, returns to the message, and types, “depends who’s asking.”

This time, she sends it.