Cycle I: Coming on Strong
The Hidden Voice
The Hidden Girl · 03 (v2.00)
THE HOUSE OF ZAN — Zan
Playlist Track: The Japanese House — “Sunshine Baby”
The photograph she made look new keeps bringing old conversations back to life.
Someone else who always likes her pictures says this one looks more like her. She has no idea what that means, but she likes the idea that somebody else does.
One conversation keeps filling with long messages she reads too quickly. The person who wrote no pressure forgets details she told him. A different person takes longer to answer but remembers almost everything. There are other conversations too, but she is ignoring those, so they do not count.
She knows which chat to open without turning it into a decision. Compliments are for the pictures she hates. Long messages are for when things get too quiet. When somebody forgets something she said, she finds the person who remembers.
She does not consider it using them. That would make it sound like she has a plan.
She has imagined meeting the person who wrote no pressure. She never imagines much beyond the beginning.
While she waits for him to answer, she changes the background of their chat.
His answer makes it clear he still wants to keep things casual. The new background suddenly feels too personal. She changes it back, then searches the chat and finds where he said it before.
She remembers it sounding different there. Maybe it did. The words around it made him feel more familiar then.
She also remembers deciding somebody had hurt him before, but she cannot find what made her so certain.
She types, “same honestly, i’m just seeing what happens.”
The word honestly makes the message look more true. The rest sounds mature and agreeable until she reads it back.
For a moment, she replaces it with another version: “i don’t know what i expect.”
She changes it back, sends the first message, and opens the conversation with the person who said the photograph looks more like her.
Typing dots appear beside the chat she just left.
She watches them without opening it again.
She tells herself that is different from waiting.