Consent (The Check)
This piece is a “read-this-first” lens on my voice, my intent, and the standards I’m choosing to live by—on the page and off it. It includes explicit sexual language, power dynamics, and blunt framing, because credibility in this lane doesn’t come from sounding polite; it comes from being clear.
If you’re not in the mood for direct dominance language or you’re tender today, you might want to read something else a little softer and less driving.
It’s okay to skim, save, or walk away halfway through if your body starts tightening up more than it opens up.
— Zan
Scene (The Ride)
Coming inside a woman carries consequences.
—Wait. Wrong instinct. Wrong framing.
Let’s start this again.
It’s not enough to be dominant.
It’s not enough to be dangerous.
None of it means a damn thing without credibility.
And if this lifestyle is a red-hot pressure cooker…
…then yeah.
At this point, I’m not just playing with heat.
I’m fully cooked.
So if you’re going to read me—let’s see how I taste first.
I think, for a lot of people, getting older means becoming more aware of your own save file—and more protective of it.
Running into the unknown starts to feel less like an adventure and more like a leap of faith, even when the odds are in your favor.
And as technology accelerates, “think-thoughts” multiply, and basic decency keeps slipping, the landscape you’re leaping into becomes harder to read.
Even if someone presents as “safe,” “rational,” and with “pure intentions”… how is that supposed to be trusted?
It can’t be—at least not automatically.
If I’ve learned anything, it’s this: people will lie to get what they want. People will hide the parts they’re afraid of in themselves.
So the best I can do—if I want to curb fear, prevent automatic rejection, and actually live inside my goals—is be painfully honest. Because sooner or later, if I’m not, what I’m doing won’t matter.
And that would be a travesty I’m not trying to create.
Currently, I’m not at a scale where anyone’s lining up to give me a Sir David Frost–style sit-down about my values, my worth, or what kind of creature I’ve become.
Hell, I’m not even “man-on-the-street” famous—no gotcha mic, no ambush questions, no public grilling.
What I do have is a small committee in my head, built out of all the “wonderful” people I’ve encountered in my lifetime. Their voices are loud enough, sharp enough, and honest enough to do the job for now—and to let me say what I need to say to whoever this concerns.
So, without further ado—let’s do this the only way I can:
What does “credibility” actually mean to you?
It’s what I do when I’m holding someone who’s fresh to the lifestyle—maybe a little in over their head—and instead of telling them to take their clothes off, I tell them they don’t have to do a damn thing to keep my attention.
It’s when I’m watching someone try hard to step into a pain-forward role, then fall to pieces after every scene—and I say, sincerely: maybe you’d be happier in something less intense. Not because they’re “weak.” Because I’m paying attention.
It’s when I’m not only looking at the person in front of me, but the version of them a year from now. Five years. Ten.
It’s giving a shit when giving a shit is the last thing I feel like doing.
It’s knowing my worth—and not demanding it.
It’s earning it in public and honoring it in private.
It’s showing you what the cost buys.
And it’s remembering it’s not what the world thinks of me that matters—it’s how the people who actually matter to me, past, present, and future, feel about me.
Why have you chosen writing as your weapon?
It’s not as instant as a photo. It’s not as memorable as a quick video. But writing is the art form where I can be precise—on purpose.
I control the words. All of them.
I choose them in real time during the draft. I refine them in revision. I stand by them in the finished product.
For better or worse, these words are my friends. And I use them to tell you about the person who lives inside me—so that person can actually be heard.
Why did you choose kink / sex-positive / confessional writing? You know that’s the hardest niche because of stigma, right?
Sex—at its core—is life.
Alternative lifestyles are freedom of expression.
And I’m a seeker of truth.
So if one of the furthest things from death, in concept, is sex… and I want freedom and self-expression… and I’m trying to find truth not about the world, but about myself… then yeah: it’s a natural fit.
That would all be easy if I lived in a vacuum and only I had to carry it.
But I don’t.
And I can’t shake the part of me that wants to tap the world on the shoulder and say:
LOOK AT ME. LOVE ME.
I want acknowledgment of my mind, my passion, my state of being. I want something positive to come from it—because I believe that’s my value, the same way I’ve watched other people bleed their experience into media and asked the world to hold it with care.
I want what I’d expect anyone else to want, if the roles were reversed.
Okay… but what do you really want?
I want my efforts to lead to one—or all—of these:
- Financial security in a world that keeps raising the cost of everything and shoving people down the ladder month by month.
- Dynamics with people who want to live through me as the one who leads them—and loves them in the way I love.
- Relationships with people who see me as more than words on a page and want to give as much as I’m willing to give.
- Play partners who understand that not every car you test off the lot is the one you can afford to take home, but the ride still counts.
- Positive recognition from people who see themselves in my work—proof that I was here, and that I mattered outside my own body.
How do I want it?
Consensually.
Not just in the “sure, let’s try that and see how I feel afterward” way.
In the we’re on the same book, same page, same word way.
If it isn’t clear:
I don’t want anyone’s money if they can’t afford it.
I don’t want anyone’s role if they aren’t committed to it.
I don’t want anyone’s love if they can’t mean it.
I don’t want anyone’s nudes if they don’t believe I can be trusted with them.
I don’t want recognition if it’s going to be treated like a leash—given when I’m convenient, yanked away when I’m not.
I want you to give it willingly—no hidden expectations, no unspoken debts—only what we’ve said out loud.
Yeah, I still think you’re trying to build a harem/cult with fancy words.
There’s been fandom around things I’ve written long before “parasocial” was a mainstream word. I’ve seen how people attach.
And I’m more than a “brand.” I’m more than a “persona.”
Most fandoms can’t fuck you.
Which is exactly why I build guardrails—on the page and in real life.
That puts a bigger lens on me than Star Wars or Star Trek or anything else.
And before you bring up brand machines like Taylor Swift or BTS: those are sustained by hundreds of people keeping the machine aligned with expectations. They’re in a position where the primary anxiety is keeping the money coming in.
If people want to “worship” my social presence as a brand, that comes with exposure. How I use that—well or badly—is one of the few parts I actually control.
But logically? My presence is built on ethics, consent, control—those words you hear me repeating.
And those words don’t survive long if my actions contradict them. It discredits my work. It discredits me.
And if you’ve been paying attention: my art and my legacy are… pretty, pretty, pretty important to me.
So to say it plainly: I’m not doing this to hoard all the [insert whatever] or become the next religion/cult/supervillain.
What will you NOT do, even if it gets you attention?
For better or worse, we’re living in a look-at-me-and-[insert-shock-behavior] culture.
A lot of modern “entertainment” is engineered to provoke, polarize, and keep people reactive—not to make them better.
I’m not going to push bodies underwater just to climb higher inside the kink world—or anywhere else. I’m not going to manufacture outrage, weaponize “call-outs,” or treat other people like stepping stones. I won’t post private messages, screenshots, or receipts for applause. A lot of what passes for “popular” online is just that: attention built on humiliation, chaos, and a slow leak of humanity.
I’m not a threat to anyone. I’m not here to fight people. If my viewpoint feels like a personal attack, pause—ask why it hit you—then decide what you want to do with that—without making it my problem.
Okay, so you’re coming for platforms and volunteer mods. I knew it.
No.
I don’t care to insert myself into the ethics police of other people, especially when the “power” is granted by platforms that treat them like free labor.
I have my own power to wield and protect. How others use theirs—against me or the community—isn’t worth centering.
There are far more thoughtful and dedicated people leading others than there are predators and clowns.
And if people want better leaders because of me—or because someone else calls the shot—that’s not a “me” problem. That’s supply and demand.
I’m a single viewpoint. I’m not The Truth™.
There are people with “better” ethics than me, and people with far worse ethics than most of the scene.
But here’s a real thing:
The presence of people who stand for protection, truth, and community is what even allows bad actors to exist in the same space—because without those guardrails, this whole field collapses into rot.
So with all this ethics talk… are you going to put a light on bad actors and report everyone? Should we worry about you “snitching”?
Look. I’m not your mommy or daddy (unless we’re in a dynamic).
I’m not trying to be holier-than-thou.
People make mistakes. Some learn. Some keep doing it until they find out.
I don’t report unless it’s an unavoidable safety issue—something that becomes a direct liability to me, or a direct threat to someone in my care.
And to be clear, if I ever have to do that’s me holding a boundary because some people don’t.know.when.to.stop.
Yes: there are bad actors. There are egos. There are “fake doms.”
But those labels often get thrown at a person when what you’re actually seeing is behavior within a messy time frame—upbringing, context, moral compass unknown.
Demonize the behavior, not the person.
It’s easy to point at someone and say “bad man” and let everyone else excuse themselves with “well I’m not that guy.”
No.
Focus on actions.
Focus on standards.
You can’t just showcase “the good example.” You have to say: we will not allow this behavior.
Hold people to the standard—not the standard to the people.
(Unless they’re real assholes. Then do whatever you want—just keep them away from me.)
I still don’t believe you. Also: your idealistic viewpoints are going to make it harder for you to get a dynamic, because this space is notorious for bad actors.
If anything, I’m writing about kink so it can continue to exist as something people can practice.
How long until some governing agency decides it’s “a personal risk” or “hurting children”?
This is one of the few Wild West areas left that gives people an outlet for individualism and freedom—how to love, how to feel, how to exist.
And the community has very few voices that are inclusive of everyone who chooses to walk this path on purpose.
Look: when it comes to the lifestyle, I’m the Lorax—with cock in hand—except instead of trees, I’m for people. Not institutions and agencies that want to profit from it and control it.
What about the people you engage with romantically? Isn’t there a power imbalance because of gender, age, your presence, your position?
Those factors only become “power” if someone is uneducated, being lied to, or afraid.
I’m male. How I choose to live as a male is my choice. I’m not defined by my gender or by what other men have done.
My age is circumstantial. I’ve lived. Time passed. I can’t argue with assumptions, but I can act in a way that matches the responsibility of my age.
My presence is who I am. I have the right to try to be the best version of myself without compromise.
If someone makes me into something greater—or lesser—than what I am, they’ll find out the truth once they spend meaningful time with me.
And I’m upfront about what I want—especially when real emotions are on the line.
Adults with full agency have the right to make their own decisions with the clearest information available, for better or worse.
Didn’t you say you want “financial stability”? Where are the links? Weren’t you a market strategist? Don’t you value your work?
…Let’s talk about that.
If you’ve lived on this planet long enough, you know things change quickly—sometimes silently.
There was a time when “sex work” (still a vague umbrella term) carried a hard stigma: prostitution and/or stripping.
Then the age of instant gratification went mainstream, and sex work became: any way you can use body, mind, or persona to stimulate in a sexual context—for pay.
At first, people said “eww sex work” while creators were making real money streaming.
Then people realized content creators could actually make a living doing “sex work,” and the economy flooded. Not with “sluts,” not with people doing it for art—mostly with people doing it for money.
Now a lot of people—more than ever—hate doing OnlyFans or being sexual on demand, but they feel like they have to, because the culture turned it into the default hustle: turn 18, make the OF, get the bag.
But another shift is happening now too:
Shadow suppression.
Look at the “rules” multiplying in communities and platforms:
- “No self-promotion until your account is 3 months old.”
- “You can’t join if you have any links that lead to paid content.”
- “If we find out you sell any sexual content, we’ll remove and ban you.”
Like… what?
What if someone’s kink is getting paid?
What if sex work is someone’s artistic freedom—and the cost is on the viewer?
For communities that pride themselves on “inclusion,” it sure feels like some camps are considered more acceptable than others.
The goal shouldn’t be pure protection. It should be enlightenment.
Teach people how to recognize risk—not just inside one gated community, but in their life.
Because you’re not “saving” anybody if you’re teaching them a false sense of safety—then they walk somewhere else and get eaten alive because the rules are looser and the education is BYOB.
So how are you going to make money off your hard work and time?
So that’s the terrain—whether anyone wants to admit it or not.
Answer: I’m not. Not right now.
Even though my writing is hard to classify as sex work, it can be treated as 18+ content.
Even though it’s just words—while most media in the last 40 years is far more explicit and far more accessible.
And yet here I am, sitting on multiple banned accounts because I dropped a link at the end of an essay.
So, being the punk-ass, devil-may-care dominant voice I claim to be, I’m making a statement:
Until further notice, my written work is free for all.
No friction. No pay required to swim around in my fractured, too-hot-to-handle mind.
It doesn’t make the content worthless, it just sits it in that lane of “Commercial Quality” that you obtain, process, and/or enjoy.
However, there’s still a transaction happening—just not money.
The cost is what anyone with the nerve to do this will earn over time: trust, attention, reputation, community, and connection.
What I’m doing isn’t new. It’s not special.
But it is different in this space.
I don’t own the concept. I do own my voice, my words, and my authority to say “fuck you” to institutions and bad-faith systems that try to suppress it.
And let me be clear:
People are not the enemy.
Socialized systems that harm people are.
Systems that limit freedom (so long as that freedom isn’t used to harm others).
Systems that suppress proven, tested, factual education.
That’s what I’m against.
You talk a lot. I want to believe you, but you’re still a male, middle-aged dominant. I can’t trust that baggage. Maybe I’d feel safer if you flashed your ID and a background check?
Skepticism is healthy.
Vet me—responsibly, and with the same respect for privacy I extend to other people.
Watch me over time.
If you think I’ve got a blind spot in my thinking, enlighten me—civilly.
Otherwise, I must kindly say:
fuck off and let me cook.
Companion track: “Where Eagles Dare” – The Misfits
Aftercare (The Comedown)
What you just read is a values document—not a sales pitch, and not a threat.
Plainly: it names what I want, what I won’t do for attention, and the standards I hold myself to when other people’s bodies, minds, and trust are in my presence.
You don’t owe me agreement, devotion, money, or access because a piece hit you. If you ever choose to engage with me, the standard is simple: clear consent, clear communication, and no games that rely on confusion to work.
I’m here to share my experiences, my perspective, and language that helps people name what’s happening. I’m also here to live the lifestyle—and I’m doing it on purpose.
Cycle II – Coming of Age (The Hidden Life) · 14 (v1.00)
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