Cycle I: Coming on Strong
The Hidden Voice
Record ~ Kawaii · 04 (v1.00)
THE HOUSE OF ZAN — Zan
♡ Neko Hacker — TBC Hacker
OPENING: 手放せる？
Leave it to me!
Oh, I can handle this.
Whatever it is.
I’m very capable, you know.
ᕦ(•̀ᴗ•́)ᕤ
…
Actually, what are we doing?
I should probably find that out before I start making promises.
But there’s something wonderful about being trusted, isn’t there?
Somebody decides you’re the person they want to rely on.
They could have asked someone else. They could have kept everything to themselves.
Instead, they’ve decided to place something important in your hands.
Mine!
How exciting!
I suppose I should be careful with it.
When somebody trusts you, they’re allowing you to become part of something they might otherwise have kept entirely to themselves.
Maybe it’s a decision.
Something they’re worried about.
Or perhaps they’re tired of figuring everything out alone and would appreciate somebody taking the lead for a while.
I can understand that.
Making decisions can be exhausting.
Even little ones.
Sometimes I’d be perfectly happy if somebody else chose what we’re going to watch.
You decide!
Wonderful.
Now I don’t have to think about it.
ヽ(･∀･)ﾉ
Unless they choose something dreadful.
Then I might have a few suggestions.
But wait.
If I asked somebody to choose, doesn’t that mean I have to accept whatever they choose?
Well, no.
I gave them the opportunity to make a decision.
I didn’t promise to enjoy every possible result.
And if they’ve chosen something I genuinely don’t want to watch, I’d hope I could tell them.
Without being informed that I’ve violated the sacred rules of movie selection.
It’s a remote control!
Not a royal decree.
Although I suppose wearing a little crown while choosing movies could be entertaining.
Your Majesty has selected a documentary about turnips.
Excellent choice!
(=｀ω´=)
…
Actually, no.
I’ve changed my mind.
See?
We’re already having difficulties.
And we’re only talking about a movie.
Imagine when somebody trusts you with something that genuinely matters.
At first, it seems as though you’ve been given something.
The freedom to decide.
The opportunity to help.
A little influence over what happens next.
But accepting that trust means there’s something you have to give up, too.
The freedom to be careless.
I was enjoying the part where somebody thought I was wonderful.
Now I’m supposed to be responsible.
If somebody is relying on me, I can’t pretend their feelings stop mattering simply because they’ve asked me to take the lead.
I don’t get to make whatever decision pleases me and then point out that they trusted me in the first place.
Well, I could.
But that would make me rather terrible at being trusted.
And I’d prefer not to be terrible at something I’ve just announced I’m very good at.
There’s a difference between somebody giving me room to make a decision and giving up the right to have an opinion about it.
I can choose a direction.
I can be confident in my judgment.
But if the person who trusted me says something isn’t right, I need to listen.
Even if I was absolutely certain I knew what I was doing.
Because confidence doesn’t magically make me correct.
Suppose somebody asks me to help with a difficult decision.
They explain what matters to them. I listen, consider everything, and come up with what I think is a wonderful solution.
I’m rather proud of it.
Then they tell me they’ve changed their mind.
…
Excuse me?
But I had a plan!
A good plan!
I was practically ready to congratulate myself!
Now what am I supposed to do with all this excellent planning?
(｡•́︿•̀｡)
Well…
I could ask what changed.
Perhaps there’s something I missed.
Or perhaps nothing has changed except how they feel about it.
That might be frustrating.
But insisting they follow my plan because I worked hard on it wouldn’t make the plan any better.
It would only make me more difficult to trust.
And I’d rather not accomplish that.
The trouble is, being trusted feels nice.
Being dependable.
Being needed.
Being the one who knows what to do.
It’s easy to become so pleased with that feeling that you forget why somebody trusted you in the first place.
They weren’t necessarily asking you to become the most important person in the room.
They wanted somebody they could rely on.
Those aren’t the same thing.
And somebody can trust me today and feel differently tomorrow.
They might discover something they hadn’t considered.
Something about the situation might change.
Or perhaps they’ve decided they aren’t comfortable anymore.
That doesn’t mean they were pretending when they trusted me.
They can change their mind.
Even at the very moment I was counting on them not to.
Would I be disappointed?
Of course!
I’m allowed to have feelings about things, too.
But my disappointment doesn’t turn their decision into a betrayal.
Actually, there’s another possibility I hadn’t considered.
What if somebody asks me to take responsibility for something I’m not prepared to handle?
They might have complete confidence in me.
They might think I’m exactly the right person.
Wonderful!
…
Unfortunately, that doesn’t mean they’re right.
I could misunderstand what they’re asking.
I might not have the experience.
Or perhaps I simply don’t want the responsibility they’re offering.
That matters, too.
Being trusted doesn’t mean I’m obligated to say yes.
And saying yes doesn’t magically make me capable.
Sometimes the responsible answer is admitting that I don’t know what to do.
Not very glamorous, is it?
There’s no dramatic music when somebody announces they aren’t qualified to make a decision.
Although perhaps there should be.
Imagine a magnificent spotlight.
A grand entrance.
And then…
I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA WHAT I’M DOING!
ヽ(°〇°)ﾉ
Thunderous applause.
And saying yes has another cost.
Sometimes I have to admit I was wrong, change a plan, or hear that I’ve disappointed somebody.
Even when I meant well.
If I can’t handle that, perhaps I shouldn’t be volunteering to take charge.
Hmm.
I started this whole thing rather excited about being the person somebody trusts.
And I still am!
I like being capable.
I like knowing what I think.
I even enjoy taking the lead.
But I don’t think the best part is getting to make all the decisions.
It’s knowing somebody can rely on me without worrying that I’ll use their trust against them.
Trust isn’t a prize I’ve won.
It’s something another person has chosen to share.
And if they decide they need to take it back?
Well…
It’s theirs.
It always was.
I hope I handled it well while they trusted me with it.
And if they ever decide to trust me again, I’d like that to be their choice.
Not something they feel they owe me.
Oh!
There’s one more thing.
Remember how I started by saying you could leave everything to me?
I think I’d like to revise that.
You can trust me to take something seriously.
I’ll listen, I’ll do my best, and I’ll tell you when I think there’s a problem.
But I won’t promise to be right about everything.
That would be an awfully difficult promise to keep.
Besides, if I make a mistake, I’d much rather you tell me.
I can handle it.
Probably.
No, really.
ฅ(•̀ω•́)ฅ
And if it turns out I can’t?
Then that’s something I need to work on.
Not something you should have to pretend isn’t happening.
So…
Leave it to me!
If you’d like.
And if you change your mind?
Tell me.
I might have questions.
I usually do.
But I’ll listen.
After all, if somebody trusts me enough to let me take the lead…
I ought to be somebody they can trust to let them change direction.
ENDING: Can I let go?