Cycle I: Coming on Strong
The Hidden Voice
Record ~ Kawaii · 03 (v1.00)
THE HOUSE OF ZAN — Zan
♡ CUTIE STREET — Error404
OPENING: 期待しすぎ？
I’ve got a wonderful idea!
Really.
I’ve already imagined how everything might work out.
The possibilities!
The excitement!
There’s just one little problem.
I haven’t told anybody else about it yet.
…
Oh.
I suppose that might be important.
Especially since my wonderful idea involves another person.
But that’s the trouble with having an imagination.
It’s very good at coming up with possibilities.
Not quite as good at checking whether everybody involved would actually enjoy them.
Sometimes an idea becomes something you want so badly that you start making plans around it.
Before anything has happened!
Then reality arrives.
…
And suddenly your wonderful idea has become a wonderful disaster.
Congratulations!
You’ve achieved something you never actually wanted.
How exciting.
（；￣ェ￣）
Perhaps I should figure out what I’m asking for before I start celebrating.
What would you like another person to be in your life?
You might want a friend who enjoys your peculiar interests.
Somebody who can teach you something.
A person who makes you laugh after a dreadful day.
Or perhaps somebody who’ll tell you when your brilliant idea is actually a terrible one.
Excuse me?!
My ideas are excellent.
Usually.
Some of them.
And I suppose having somebody who isn’t afraid to disagree with me could be useful.
But those aren’t necessarily the same things to want from somebody.
Suppose I want somebody who’ll listen to me.
That sounds reasonable.
I have thoughts!
Sometimes quite a lot of them.
But what if I start talking about something that’s bothering me, and the other person immediately begins offering solutions?
They might genuinely be trying to help.
Maybe they’re even right.
How annoying.
I hadn’t asked them to fix anything.
I might have wanted somebody to hear me out.
On the other hand, if I needed advice, I’d appreciate someone willing to offer it.
So which was I asking for?
I can see how somebody might get confused when I haven’t figured it out myself.
Hmm.
And what if I’m looking for somebody to teach me something?
I’d want someone experienced.
Patient, too.
But being good at something doesn’t automatically make somebody good at explaining it.
And somebody who enjoys being admired for knowing everything might not appreciate being questioned.
Which could become awkward.
I have questions!
Lots of them.
ฅ(•ㅅ•❀)ฅ
I’d rather understand something than simply be told what to think.
It’s easy to imagine somebody being perfect for the part you want them to play.
It’s harder to remember that they might not be perfect for every other part you’ve imagined.
A wonderful friend isn’t necessarily a wonderful teacher.
And somebody who enjoys an adventure doesn’t have to enjoy every adventure you invent.
Even the really good ones?!
Yes.
Even those.
The role doesn’t arrive by itself.
There’s an entire person attached.
With their own interests, expectations, and ideas about what they want.
I’d be pretty upset if somebody expected me to become exactly who they’d imagined.
Let’s say I’ve found somebody who seems perfect for what I’m looking for.
They enjoy the same things.
They’re interested in talking.
They even seem excited about my ideas.
Perfect!
At least, that’s what I think.
Because in my imagination, everything has already worked out beautifully.
I know what they’ll say.
I’ve even figured out which of my jokes they’ll find funniest.
Even the terrible ones.
The imaginary version of this person is very cooperative.
They understand what I mean.
Their plans never interfere with mine.
And whenever something goes wrong, they respond exactly as I’d hoped.
What a wonderful person!
There’s only one problem.
…
They don’t exist.
(・_・;)
Not like that.
The actual person hasn’t read the conversations I’ve been having with them in my imagination.
They don’t know the lines I’ve written.
They might not even like the part I’ve given them.
And agreeing to one thing doesn’t mean they’ve agreed to every expectation I’ve attached to it.
Somebody might enjoy being my friend without wanting to talk every single day.
They might be happy to teach me something without becoming responsible for everything I want to learn.
And they might love one of my ideas while thinking the next one is completely ridiculous.
Well, I suppose I could ask what they think.
Although asking doesn’t automatically settle everything.
People can hide things, exaggerate, or promise more than they intend to give.
Sometimes they simply haven’t figured out what they want.
But there’s another possibility.
What if somebody tells me the truth…
And I hear what I was hoping they’d say?
…
Oh.
That’s embarrassing.
Especially if I’ve already started making plans around it.
I can imagine getting terribly upset because somebody didn’t do what I expected.
Only to discover that I’d never actually told them what I expected.
Or that we thought we’d agreed when we’d understood completely different things.
That’s almost funny.
Until you’re one of them.
So perhaps it would help to talk about what we actually want.
Not necessarily everything at once!
Imagine meeting somebody and immediately receiving an enormous questionnaire.
Please describe your expectations for the next six months.
Include examples.
Additional pages may be attached.
No!
ヽ(｀⌒´)ﾉ
I just wanted to talk about music!
Although…
I might be interested in some of those answers eventually.
I simply don’t think we need to decide everything before we’ve had a chance to get to know each other.
And if we discover our expectations don’t match?
That could be disappointing.
But I’d rather find out than spend weeks imagining something that was never going to happen.
Besides, there’s something else bothering me.
What if I get exactly what I asked for?
That sounds wonderful, doesn’t it?
Suppose I decide I want somebody who agrees with me.
Someone who never questions my ideas.
Never tells me I’m being ridiculous.
Perfect!
I’d never have to explain myself again.
Every idea would be brilliant.
Every decision would be excellent.
And every time I made a mistake…
They’d agree with that, too.
…
Oh.
That’s terrible!
ʕ•́ᴥ•̀ʔ
What would I even do with somebody like that?
I’d have no idea when I was wrong!
And I happen to be quite capable of being wrong without any assistance.
Apparently, I didn’t want somebody who always agreed with me.
I wanted somebody who could understand me.
That’s not quite the same thing.
I might even appreciate a person who disagreed with me.
Occasionally.
And preferably with excellent reasoning.
Because I’d like to know what they think, too.
Not just hear my own opinions coming back at me.
But it works both ways.
Somebody else might imagine I’m always cheerful.
I certainly enjoy myself.
But I’m not cheerful every minute.
They might expect me to have answers to everything because I ask so many questions.
Absolutely not!
I’m asking because I don’t know!
And if somebody wants me to become part of their plans, I’d appreciate being asked whether those plans sound appealing.
So why wouldn’t they deserve the same consideration?
I suppose having expectations isn’t the problem.
It’s forgetting that another person gets to have them, too.
And sometimes those expectations won’t fit together.
That doesn’t automatically make either of us unreasonable.
We might simply want different things.
Or discover that something we thought mattered isn’t quite as important as we imagined.
I’d hate to overlook somebody because they weren’t what I’d expected.
Of course, I still have a few expectations.
I’d like somebody curious.
Someone who enjoys an unusual conversation and doesn’t mind if I have opinions of my own.
Also, they must appreciate my sense of humor.
That’s important!
And preferably, they’d enjoy a ridiculous question now and then.
For instance…
If a dragon comes to a tea party, is it rude to ask it not to breathe fire indoors?
Because I think that’s a perfectly reasonable expectation.
But perhaps the dragon would disagree.
(ง •̀_•́)ง
I can keep a few expectations.
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with knowing what matters to me.
I just don’t want to become so attached to the person I’ve imagined that I can’t appreciate the person who actually shows up.
They might surprise me.
They might even help me discover that I was looking for the wrong thing.
And I suppose I could do the same for them.
So I’ll keep my wonderful ideas.
But I think I’ll leave a little room for somebody else’s.
After all, if there’s going to be another person in this story…
They should get to have a say in it.
ENDING: Am I expecting too much?