Cycle I: Coming on Strong
The Hidden Voice
The Record · 15 (v2.00)
THE HOUSE OF ZAN — Zan
VOICE ADVISORY: The speaking voice is renewed intention reconsidering how first contact becomes something more. Contains themes of attraction, communication, first impressions, compatibility, uncertainty, and changing expectations.
I am the living embodiment of sheer will and determination.
Or, at the very least, stubborn enough to choose human connection over the safety of working inside Word documents and Excel spreadsheets.
Yes. I am entering these infested swamplands, yet again, looking for people worth knowing, assuming they exist here.
I am searching for something beyond fantasy, passing entertainment, and wasting my literary fucking time.
So, since some whores horses can’t be led to fresh water, allow me to begin the waterboarding process for my second act.
You see, when you are interested in someone online, there is an almost immediate temptation to convince them of something.
Convince them you are interesting enough to carry a conversation.
Convince them you are attractive enough to show off in public.
Convince them you are safe enough to choke them to orgasm, not to death.
Or, simply, convince them you are different from all the other people currently trying to convince them of exactly the same thing.
In this day and age, that becomes increasingly difficult to judge when we have to rely on the other person to convey that themselves, rather than some restaurant-style five-star review system.
Worse, it puts the entire encounter in a strange state of imbalance.
If I have to persuade someone to become interested in who I am, sooner or later I start getting “beta male” feelings and have to exit stage right.
Then what?
Forever alone with my cock in my hand and splattered seed on the ground?
Fuck that.
But there is a difference between pursuing someone and performing whatever version of yourself you think will make them say yes.
One creates movement toward something real.
The other creates an open casting call for the next commercial voice-over.
My intention is not to audition.
I don’t want them auditioning for me either.
Unless it’s on a couch or in a backroom after they’ve been shoplifting.
Otherwise, that just leads to buyer’s remorse, and there isn’t any return policy on people’s time.
I don’t need a first impression to make someone believe I am perfect.
I need it to make them interested enough to discover what I’m not at that particular moment in my life.
Whatever the hell that might be.
As for the other person, give me something real to connect with that excites me.
Barring any accidents involving a vacuum hose, you are probably going to have some kind of self-assigned genitalia that already carries a certain amount of value when it comes to getting me excited.
A reason you chose to speak to me instead of the endless parade of other warm bodies floating around is always a great icebreaker.
That seems considerably more useful than two people attempting to impress each other until somebody accidentally develops a personality that wasn’t scraped off the inside of a trash can.
Someone deciding they do not want me does not reduce my value.
It means they made a decision for themselves.
I would rather be accurately rejected than incorrectly desired.
Get the fuck away from me before you waste any more of our time.
I would rather receive a clear no or, in the case of an initial outreach message, silence, than spend three weeks dragging a confused maybe toward something resembling enthusiasm.
If things become stagnant, queue up the “It’s dead, Jim” meme and let’s move along.
No autopsy required.
It’s already been disintegrated into dust in the wind.
Sometimes that shit gets in your eyes.
Not everyone who looks perfect in a profile survives proximity.
People have a wonderful habit of refusing to remain what we expected them to be.
So inconvenient.
Maybe you become another faded memory.
Maybe I become that asshole who did that thing you didn’t like, and you put me on blast to your inner circle until you feel justified in handling things like a bitch boss.
Maybe neither of us gets away that easily, and we end up stuck in a shotgun shack for the rest of our lives until one of us wins big on a scratch-off.
So, there you have it, my little cock-gobblers.
Know what you want well enough to pursue it.
Know yourself well enough to present something real.
Pay enough attention to notice when reality turns out differently.
Then make a decision.
Give it a try.
“Start something new.”
Companion Track: “New” — No Doubt
VOICE FEEDBACK: Planetary Exploration — X2