Neptune Nowhere (In or Out)… (1-16) – Commentary

Neptune Nowhere (In or Out) is me standing in the middle of the label war with my hands up, saying:

“If I tell you exactly what I am, you’ll stop seeing me.
If I don’t tell you, you’ll decide anyway.”

This one is less about sex and more about optics, identity, and how fast people slam doors based on a few words on a profile.

What this piece is actually doing

On the surface, it’s:

  • a clarification about “slave” and “Master,”
  • a rant about how people misread my role,
  • a swipe at culture-war labels around “straight white male” vs. “woke deviant.”

Underneath, it’s doing three jobs:

  1. Defining my use of “slave / Master” as bond, not prison.
  2. Showing how rigid identity assumptions shut down connection before it starts.
  3. Refusing to pick a “side” just to make myself easier to sort.

The title “Neptune Nowhere (In or Out)” fits:

  • Neptune = far, cold, outer orbit, weird tides
  • In or Out = binary boxes
  • Nowhere = where I end up if I don’t agree to be flattened into one.

Skittish people, open door

I start with:

“In this lifestyle, a vast majority of participants can be very skittish.”

Not as an insult, as context:

  • People have been burned.
  • People have been lied to.
  • People have been fetishized, tokenized, discarded.

So everyone’s jumping at shadows.

Then I counter it with:

“I try to keep ‘my door’ to the universe open to anything positive that may want to walk through.”

That’s me stating my stance:

  • My turn-ons / turn-offs are shaped by my life.
  • They’re real and specific.
  • But I don’t want them to turn into a locked door before we’ve even spoken.

I’m saying:

“Labels matter once we’re actually engaging.
Before that, I care more about how you move than what you’ve stamped on your bio.”

Why I resist over-defining myself

“This is why I try not to be overly specific about my preferences…”

Because once you start stacking labels like:

  • straight / bi / pan
  • dom / daddy / switch
  • kinky / vanilla-adjacent / “dark”

people stop reading you and just match you against their internal spreadsheet.

I’ve watched:

  • people refuse to engage because they assume “not straight white male” = uneducated deviant, anti-Christian, “woke nonsense”;
  • other people refuse to engage because “straight white male” = automatic villain, oppressor, trash.

Two opposite reactions.

Same problem: I disappear into the label.

So instead of playing:

“Am I in your box or out of it?”

I’m arguing for a third answer:

Does Not Apply.

Not because identity doesn’t matter.
Because your projection of my identity isn’t the same as my lived reality.

The joke under the frustration

“It is cosmically hilarious to me that anyone would believe I wasn’t deeply progressive, inclusive and ‘insert label’ AF.”

That line is me laughing so I don’t scream.

I’ve held:

  • enough “alternative lifestyle” cards,
  • enough queer-adjacent / subcultural identities,
  • enough outsider positions,

that it is absurd for someone to look at a couple of words and decide I must be:

  • bigoted,
  • ignorant,
  • or on the opposite “team.”

The frustration isn’t:

“How dare they misjudge me, I’m special.”

It’s more:

“You of all people — you who know how it feels to be labeled —
are now using labels as weapons.”

I’m not saying:

  • “Stop caring about oppression,”
  • or “We should all just get along.”

I’m saying:

“Maybe don’t shoot on sight based on a line in a profile when you, yourself, are here asking not to be flattened.”

Why “Does Not Apply” matters

The ending question:

“So, do you think you know any better if I am ‘in or out’?”

and the answer:

“Let’s try a third option: Does Not Apply.”

That’s the real thesis.

It’s a refusal to:

  • audition for acceptability,
  • simplify my history so I can be digestible to either camp,
  • let the culture war dictate how I present myself in kink and connection.

It’s me saying:

“You can ask. You can get to know me.
But if you need a pre-sorted label to even start a conversation,
we’re not compatible.”

Not because I’m mysterious.

Because I want the people who come close to be capable of:

  • nuance,
  • curiosity,
  • and seeing a whole human being beneath whatever identity words we eventually land on together.

On the companion track: “In or Out” – Ani DiFranco

Pairing this with “In or Out” – Ani DiFranco is deliberate.

That song is literally about:

  • people demanding you pick a side
  • people acting betrayed when your identity doesn’t fit their narrative
  • the exhaustion of being constantly categorized and questioned

Ani wrote about sexuality, labels, and the pressure to be legible:

  • “Are you straight now? Are you in or out?” energy
  • the way everyone wants a tidy answer they can file away

That’s the exact tension this piece is sitting in:

“If I say I’m X, you’ll decide you know me.
If I say I’m Y, a different crowd decides they know me.
I’m neither simple nor static enough for your boxes.”

The track lives in the background as a mood:

  • stubborn,
  • wry,
  • a little tired,
  • very done with everyone’s need to define you before they meet you.

Exactly where this piece is written from.

Cycle I – Coming on Strong · 16 · Commentary (v1.00)

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