Cycle I: Coming on Strong
The Hidden Voice
The Hidden Girl · 21 (v2.00)
THE HOUSE OF ZAN — Zan
Playlist Track: Lorde — “What Was That”
The person she pinned sends her a longer fantasy.
In it, he decides what she wears, when she answers, and which parts of herself other people are allowed to see. He gives the version of her inside the messages enough rules that she no longer has to choose very much.
She has imagined something like this before. Being changed on purpose. Having somebody look at all the unfinished parts and decide how they fit.
The more detailed he makes it, the more she wants to correct.
He would keep one interest private that she wants visible. He likes her profile better without the joke. He uses the word she approved, but places it inside a sentence that makes it mean something different.
She does not correct any of it.
Correcting the fantasy would mean admitting that wanting the idea does not mean wanting every version of it.
They agree to try one small rule. Before she goes offline, she will tell him instead of disappearing and returning whenever she feels like it.
She writes, “going offline for a bit.”
Then she waits for his answer.
He praises her. She reads the message and mostly feels relieved that the task is finished.
Her answers get shorter after that.
His do too.
Then he asks, “Do you still want this?”
She types, “i did what you asked.”
“That isn’t what I asked.”
She opens Notes and finds the sentence she wrote about belonging to him.
I think I could belong to you.
The note does not say who she meant by you. She still knows. She is less sure what belonging to him was supposed to feel like.
Back in the conversation, she writes, “i don’t know.”
He does not try to talk her into wanting it. He says they should stop there.
Part of her wants him to tell her she is wrong.
Another part relaxes because he does not.
She removes the conversation from her pins and takes his profile out of her favorites.
No new instruction arrives.
She checks again, as if stopping might still come with something to do.