Cycle I: Coming on Strong
The Hidden Voice
The Record · 17 (v2.00)
THE HOUSE OF ZAN — Zan
VOICE ADVISORY: The speaking voice is obsessive romantic projection imagining devotion as completion. Contains themes of fantasy, unhealthy attachment, self-harm, emotional dependency, possession, idealization, and imagined intimacy.
The so-called definitive secret to successful mingling, at least according to conventional wisdom, is to “come from a place of joy” and to be, or at least appear to be, a “complete person” without the need of any other individual.
I lived for the thrill of lust and obsession. They just lived day to day.
We hadn’t known each other long.
Things moved fast and recklessly.
Just the way I like it.
Their walls of modesty faded rapidly. The content they would send became increasingly explicit. They were eager to please and to gain any compliment I might toss their way.
They embraced all of me early on: my darkest desires, deepest secrets and greatest flaws.
Their curiosity about everything I represented turned into a desire for me and me alone. I hadn’t asked for that kind of devotion, yet they gave it as if there were nowhere else they would rather belong.
As each day passed, their devotion to me progressed into something some might see as unnatural.
They lost interest in most other things they would do to pass the time, including their self-harming behaviors. Their mind became preoccupied with me inflicting my own marks upon their body.
They revealed truths of themselves that they had not yet fully grasped. Exposing experiences and twisted thoughts as if they were confessing to a higher power to save their soul from their own damnation.
Their life had been filled with a sense of emptiness, be it their insufficient connection to their family, their abusive relationships, or their own lack of self-worth.
Somehow, through all of the pain and punishment, they convince themselves they have discovered their truest self within their devotion to me.
I told them more of my plans for everything I still wanted.
Having one person completely devoted to me apparently wasn’t the finish line.
There were other people to know.
Other lives to bend around mine.
Other pieces of the world I imagined pulling closer until something larger began forming around us.
They listened with excitement while showering me with encouragement to see my desires come to fruition.
Together, we create something defined by my vision of utopia.
It becomes a sanctuary from the outside world and all that has preceded.
For the first time in their life, they feel a sense of joy and completion with another person.
With me.
There is nothing I could say or do that would make them want to leave me.
Ever.
We could have been so close to never happening.
Unless we were the dangerous type.
It hasn’t happened yet.
It hasn’t happened.
Companion Track: “Dangerous Type” — Letters to Cleo
VOICE FEEDBACK: Planetary Exploration — X4